| A Scene From Red Hot Liberty |
Please enjoy this excerpt from the comic mystery novel RED HOT LIBERTY.
Molly O'Malley is a real estate agent and the setting is the weekly sales meeting at her office. Molly and her clients, the Wackers, are being sued for discrimination. Talisman is an Australian Shepherd with romantic problems. Real estate broker Ted is the office's resident Trekkie.
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Ted Borgman sidled up next to Molly at the flan. "Sorry about your troubles. The Wackers are total wackmobiles. If you need me to testify to that effect, let me know."
"Thank you." Molly thought it kind of him, especially since she had consistently rebuffed his romantic overtures.
"The civil courts are one thing, and the Real Estate Commission is another, but you don't want to mess with the feds. They're like Q and the Q Continuum—omnipotent and merciless." Ted was all Star Trek, all the time.
"That's very comforting, Ted."
"I see you've got a new gay sidekick."
"Robin isn't gay he's British, just like the actor who played Captain Picard."
Ted grunted. "So what's with the tribbles I've noticed escaping your office?"
Molly blinked as she tried to connect the dots of Ted's crazed mind.
"You know, the big balls of fluff skittering about the halls," he said.
Understanding dawned. "I'm afraid Talisman is blowing her coat—she's shedding her fur like a stripper at closing time. It's an Aussie thing. She's depressed."
"So, what are you going to do about it?"
"I'm taking her to a psychic, like Counselor Troi of the Starship Enterprise."
"Well, may the force be with you." Ted consistently mixed his sci-fi allusions.
"And also with you," Molly said, and then took a seat at the conference table as far away from Ted as she could get.
After the room was full, Jake stood at the podium in the corner and called the meeting to order. "As far as announcements go, I'd just like to remind you that this conference room isn't the place to store your FOR SALE signs. If you can't find room in your office, then take them home."
Everyone looked at the dozen of Ted Borgman-inscribed FOR SALE signs stacked in the corner.
"I'm in the process of planning a Star Trek convention and needed to clear out my office to make room for the costumes," Ted said.
"A Star Trek convention?" Lois asked. "With all those demonic creatures? What would Jesus think?" Lois's own real estate motto was Find A Home With Jesus.
For all his Star Trek looniness, Ted did have a huge clientele comprised of sci-fi fans and computer geeks. Molly knew it had proven lucrative for him.
"And where do you intend to hold this Star Trek convention?" Jake asked.
Ted grinned. "Here of course."
Molly could imagine swarms of intergalactic aliens taking over the place. Well, they would feel right at home with Talisman's tribbles.
"Do you have any Star Trek celebrities who'll be making guest appearances?" Brooklyn asked.
"Yes, I do," Ted said. "John Zimmerman, who appeared in the original series as a yeoman who died on an away mission to that barren planet where Kirk was infected by a virus that made him turn into a transvestite Greek god before he got sent back in time to stop Hitler. You know the episode I'm talking about. Well, boy does Mr. Zimmerman have some stories to tell."
Babylon snorted.
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